I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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