she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
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Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
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Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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