Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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