Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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