Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
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Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
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But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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