so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize