I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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