Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
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You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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