please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize