maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
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He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
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he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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