I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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