I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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