i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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