why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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