I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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