I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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