Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize