Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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