I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
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And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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