did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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