yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize