Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
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You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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