He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
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I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
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Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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