Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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