On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize