You just made me feel so damn special
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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