i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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