Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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