At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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