Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
this boner is exhausting
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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