Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
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She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
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Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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