cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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