I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
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He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
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Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
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