Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
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God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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