Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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