Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
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I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
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On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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