This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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