Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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