your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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