After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
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The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
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I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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