you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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