1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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