They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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