I want to walk on stilts...naked
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
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Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
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I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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