I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
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