Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
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I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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