haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
and she was petting her beer can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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