Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
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Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
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Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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