Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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