Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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