covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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